Tag Archives: Truth

Degrees of Truth

The Question

Is it possible to be too honest, or is honesty always the best policy?

My Answer

Honesty is the best policy for most matters.  The degree of importance for the given situation determines the degree of honesty required.  Higher importance means higher honesty.  The difficult part is that this can vary between people and vary based on the current mood of a relationship.  One always needs to be aware of where their relationship is at a given moment so that the level of honesty can be adjusted accordingly.

Low Degree of Honesty

A low degree of honesty is only for trivial matters, matters that have no impact on the quality of the relationship.  For example, if you are getting ready to go to dinner with your partner and they are wearing one of their favorite shirts that you don’t particularly like – suck it up and don’t tell the truth.  It serves no purpose.  It is not important and will only add negativity to the evening.

High Degree of Honesty

A high degree of honesty is for anything that is NOT trivial to you or to the person you are in the relationship with.  These matters will have a higher degree of impact on the relationship.  An example, a coworker begins to flirt with you.  You are not entirely sure you are being flirted with, but it feels like it.  No matter how the flirting makes you feel (you may like it, or you may be uncomfortable), tell your partner IMMEDIATELY.  Even if you are not sure that it is flirting.  Also, tell your partner everything about the situation, including how it made you feel.  Don’t leave any gray areas that will come back and bite you in the butt.

In response to Daily Prompt Truth or Dare.

The Lie

I’ve been on all sides of the triangle of deceit. The side where I have an opportunity to fess up and didn’t.  The side where I’ve given unintentional opportunities for someone to confess to me.  And the side where I’ve decided that I need to be, to fess up to uncomfortable truths.

I’m on that final side because I’ve been lied to too many times.  Sometimes it was outright lies, but most of the time it was lying by omission.  It hurts either way.

On to what triggered the posts I’ve made today.

I’ve mentioned that my ex has a girlfriend and spends a LOT of time with her.  On our ride home from school yesterday, youngest was saying he ate lunch with his dad and saw a lady from work.  He said his dad gave the lady some good advice.  I think this was the 2nd time I’d heard this story, but my ears perked up because it seemed like they ate lunch with this lady.  So I texted ex and asked if by chance youngest had met his girlfriend.  Yep.

Why wasn’t I informed?  I was pretty upset.

Got home and was trying to go for a walk to cool down, but oldest knew I was upset and kept after me.  He asked if I was upset at his dad and then said, “Oh, is this about that girl from dad’s work that was here?”

I flipped.  He had his girlfriend in MY house.  Ok – we both own the house.  But why the hell did he need to have her here?  Oldest gets home from school early on Wednesday and notices his dad is home and in the basement.  Goes down there and his dad is sending the girlfriend out the back door to leave.

That was bad, but is NOT the worst part for me.  Earlier yesterday I emailed him about some things and he emailed back and said “I am thinking about introducing the boys.”

That is the lie.  At a minimum, youngest has “met” her because he had lunch with them.  And oldest has at lease “seen” her.  It feels like it should have been a perfect opportunity for him to say, “Hey, the boys have already met / seen her.  I’m sorry I didn’t let you know ahead of time.  I just didn’t know you’d be upset.”

Back to the conversation with oldest.  He was horrified because he felt like he told on his dad and he begged me not to say anything that would let his dad know he spilled the beans.

I’m sooooo sorry for him.  His dad should have been the one to spill the beans.  I worry this will be with him for the rest of his life.  He’s scarred!