I work in a string of seven buildings connected by halls. Each building has four floors and two wings. There are a lot of people here with at least three companies in occupancy.
It is common for people to walk the halls for exercise. This is especially true during the summer, when my company sponsors a walking/exercise program where you can earn an Amazon gift certificate worth $50 to $100. My company has the bulk of office space here, so there are usually plenty of people walking at any given time.
I’ve noticed that not many people smile, or even make eye contact. Today I decided to see what percentage of people would display a minimal acknowledgement – such as a nod or smile. This experiment took place right before the cafeteria opened and I saw 40+ people. There were two small groups of people who were talking as they walked. All of the others were individuals.
18%! Three people smiled AND gave a verbal greeting. Out of those, I know one so I almost didn’t want to count her. Another individual nodded, but did not smile or give a verbal greeting.
Out of all the others, a substantial majority did not even make eye contact.
I’m in a funk. No motivation. Some anger. Some frustration. Some fear. All on top of a bad night of sleep.
Some divorce prep accomplishments (that aren’t bringing me out of my funk):
I used my brand spankin’ new “All My Own” credit card to pay for my lunch today.
I set up my new checking and savings account and got my own new version of Quicken.
I requested a small loan against my 401K to pay off my car so that it is easier to transfer solely to me.
I steam cleaned the living room and moved some boxes to the attic to prep the house for sale.
Some things that are bothering me:
It is very bizarre at home. When people are divorcing you’d expect tension, hurt feelings, arguing or SOMEthing. But if an outsider were to look in on us they would likely think we were a regular / average family – not one that is getting ready to pull the plug.
Nothing seems to get done if I don’t do it. There are 2 ceiling fans that need to be replaced. There are 3 or 4 old broken monitors that need to be gotten rid of. There’s an extra television that needs to go to the attic. There’s several large items that need to be scheduled for a special trash pick up. There’s a BUNCH of husband specific hobby things cluttering the formal living room. But nothing gets done with that stuff unless I do it.
My husband hates longish hair on boys and my 14 yr old son wants longish hair. I’ve never really agreed with husband about it, but can’t say that because then he feels like he’s the “bad guy.” It is bothering me right now because I went for a walk in the halls at work and noticed several men with longish hair and a few with outright LONG hair. All employed in professional positions at my company. There are no factory workers or low skilled people in my building – so I KNOW they are in a professional job category.
I saw the tracfone in my drawer while looking for my headphones to go on my walk. The phone he used to communicate with his affair partners a couple of years ago. I was thinking of giving it back to him in case he needs it once our divorce is final.
Normally I would avoid writing a blog entry in this sort of mood. But if I do that, it might be a few weeks before I really feel energized for it again. So, here ya go – my emotional dumping!!!
One of the hardest things about going through this divorce is the process of withdrawing from sharing my daily miniscule happenings with my soon to be ex.
I want to text him and tell him about the damn ladybug that landed in my drink. I want to send him a link to the video that made me think about him. I want to tell him about one of the silly things the dog did. And a variety of other small things.
But I don’t, because that is not where our relationship is heading. So who do I share those thoughts with?