Tag Archives: Judgement

Parent Judgement

This is a Melt down.

Did the adult in this situation, based on limited data available to the casual observer, make good parenting choices? Maybe not.

I  would like people to consider that they do not have all of the facts and that it is likely unfair to judge. I  say this coming from experience with a kid like this. I’ve experienced major melt downs. Ones where I feared for the safety of anyone near my kid. One where I felt the safest choice was to call for police assistance.  More than one where I felt helpless and could only cry. Many, especially in the early days, where I made poor parenting choices. Many where I’m sure someone judged me poorly.

My only point is that we have a very brief glimpse into this family’s lives. Please don’t judge.

Anti-Therapy is Alive – Unfortunately

I’ve heard that there are people out there who are anti-therapy, but have never encountered any.  I’ve met people who have concerns with therapy but are not truly anti-therapy.

Last week I came across this site and have been thinking about it since.  Particularly #5 and #6.  I was shocked.

Mistake 5. Going to a mental health therapist or psychologist.

She says “Don’t have — and don’t make claims of having — any kind of emotional disability, disorder, anxiety, depression, inability to cope, or other dysfunction, if you can possibly avoid doing so.”  A little later in the paragraph she says “If you absolutely, positively must vent [do so] … only if you’re truly dangerously dysfunctional — then do not tell anyone you are going, pay cash, don’t get or fill prescriptions where any record of that can be discovered…”

I call that bottling up the negative feelings, burying them, and building resentments – which to me is dysfunctional.  That leads to this type of therapy session.

If anyone believes I’ve made a poor choice in going to therapy, so be it.  I’m certain it will not be held against me during my divorce.  We have “family therapy” every other Saturday and it has helped us tremendously as a “family.”  Just not as a “couple.”

Mistake 6. Taking the children to a therapist.

That brings me to #6.  Here she says “Fix the situation; don’t try to train children to cope with it. If children are having problems, then it’s far more likely than not that it’s the adults around them who are doing something wrong.”

Anti-coping?  Don’t learn to cope with crappy situations?  Really?

I guess I have it all wrong.  My youngest son has Asperger’s and has been seeing a therapist for 5 years.  We currently have his therapy set up as “family” therapy and have had great success. He also has a school based social worker and has participated in school based social skills therapy groups.

My oldest son has a lot of stress related issues because of his brother and his own perfectionism and periodically sees a therapist.  His therapist helped him in accepting adult authority, even though he didn’t agree with the adult (perfectionism).  She also helped him with accepting things that he cannot control and working towards changing things that he can control.  He just started seeing her again so that he could talk about his feelings about our divorce (or whatever else he decides to discuss).

Parent Judgement

I’m very sensitive to this, even when no one is judging me.

So, instead of getting my undies in a bunch about something I just overheard – I’m going to blog about it in an effort to get it off my chest.

GavelI just heard my cubicle neighbor, who is not a parent and never will be, talking on the phone with another person who is the parent of adult kids (you tend to forget problems after the kids leave).  I don’t make a habit of listening to conversations, but how can you not hear them in this type of environment?

I was shocked to hear something like this statement:

That’s a reflection on the parents … poor parenting.

I didn’t even hear the whole conversation, but hackles raised when I overheard those words.

Why?  I’m not entirely sure but I know that it has to do with the ample opportunities for others to judge me based on my highly functioning autistic child’s behavior.  See, people can’t look at him and know that he has a brain that is wired so different that certain things cause problems for him, resulting in bad behavior.

It is just not fair that we parents are always judged so harshly.

Rant over!