Tag Archives: Humor

Dating Site Mail

Yes, I’m back on dating sites, so prepare for some humor.  Such as these first contacts from the site mail (unedited).  I did not respond to any of them, but for your entertainment, here is what I might have said if I had (in bold violet text).

  • Hello your very sexy
    You’re very bad with understanding the difference between “your” (indicating ownership) and “you’re” (contraction for you are).
  • Hi angel,feel like getting to know you
    I’m sorry, you must be messaging the wrong girl.  #1 – my name is not Angel.  #2 – I don’t believe in angels because I’m an atheist.
  • You have got a wonderful breath taken smile on your profile picture .. tell me how old is it and where was it taken ? hope you are having a wonderful day ?
    Ummm, you mean breath taking – perhaps?  And why do you want to know how old it is?  Are you doing a bad job of casually checking to see if I’ve posted an old picture?  And why do you want to know where it was taken?  Are you going to stalk me?
  • Hey
    I got nothing.
  • Feeling frisky today?
    Well if I were, I wouldn’t share that info with a stranger from a dating site.

Passing Speeding Drivers

I’m not talking about passing the person who is doing 5 MPH over.  I’m talking about passing the person who is doing 20+ MPH over, right along with everyone else.

Embed from Getty Images

Why do they do it?  Here’s my ideas!

  • They are more important than the rest of us.
  • They like to weave – in & out – out & in.
  • They like yoyos.  Pass, be passed, pass, be passed.
  • They want to get there 1/10th of a second quicker.
  • They feel driven to fill that braking space.
  • They’re a race driver wanna be.

Got any other ideas?

Jake’s Take on Eilene: Cat Says Meow

In response to Daily Prompt: The Cat Says Meow.

My name is Jake.  I am a boy cat.

Ooooo, there’s that brilliant yet stupid human girl again.  She’s just such a confusing mess.  Definitely confusing.  She’s a bit cat-like, but yet so un-cat-like.  Can’t she get it straight?

She’s so smart in some ways – like a cat.  She knows how to open doors and cabinets.  I sure wish I could do it as well as she can.  I can close doors pretty good.  I even know that the gold knob is what she uses to open the doors.

She knows lots of other stuff too.  She knows how to flush the toilet.  Oh how I wish I knew how to do that.  I love to see the water swirl around and go down.

But yet she’s stupid about it too.  She doesn’t eagerly watch the water swirl it’s way down after she flushes.  She just gets up and walks away.  What a waste of effort.

The most important thing she knows, is how to open the cat food canister.  I’ve REALLY been studying that and just can’t figure it out.  I’ve knocked it over, even though I know she doesn’t do it that way.  One time I knocked it over and got a reward.  But the dang lid wasn’t on it then.  And now she reminds the human kids to put the lid back on so I don’t pig out.

Again – she’s also stupid about this.  She opens it and gives me and my friends food – but doesn’t take some for herself.  What kind of stupid is that?

She seems clean, but I have NO clue how she gets clean.  She never licks herself clean.  I suspect it has something to do with the water sprinkles she stands under in the morning.

She likes to touch me.  I really don’t like to be touched.  She should go to Sophie or Angel for that.  They’re girl cats and just don’t know better.  And I REALLY hate it when she picks me up.

Damn – I could go on and on about her.  But enough is enough.  I see that Sophie needs to be put in her place.

Daily Prompt: What is Funny???

In response to Daily Prompt: Too Soon? (re-posted)

Can anything be funny, or are some things off limits?

Even in the worst situations there is a chance to find humor.  Even if it is humor used to lighten the mood.  And I always say to look for the positive in a situation.  Humor is positive.  But by golly, there are so many situations where one should tread with caution.  And the situations vary dramatically from person to person.

Off limits for me: death of a loved one.

I started the above SHORT list with several things in mind, but eliminated all but death of a loved one.  All of the remaining things I had in mind could be lumped into either physical trauma or emotional trauma.

Physical trauma – laughter helps the healing process and some accidents are funny after you’re over the initial shock.  And some medical problems come with laughable incidents / features.  So I took that one off the list.

Emotional trauma – same as physical trauma.  Laughter helps the healing process.  But this is where people need to tread lightly.  Enter with caution because our hurt emotions are much more volatile than any physical pain.  When we lighten up about our emotional hurts, we become more willing to learn something.  And that may cause us to laugh at a situation that we previously thought off limits.