Tag Archives: Daily Prompt

Selfie

This is a selfie I took right before meeting up with some wonderful ladies for a night of dancing to a great 80’s band.  I also got special attention from the band, especially the drummer.  I wouldn’t open a locked door for him because I didn’t know he was in the band.  It was before he donned his beautiful wig!  He’s the one with the silver/black hair and beautiful smile.

wpid-wp-1429535606577.jpegIn response to Snapshot Stories Daily Prompt.

Degrees of Truth

The Question

Is it possible to be too honest, or is honesty always the best policy?

My Answer

Honesty is the best policy for most matters.  The degree of importance for the given situation determines the degree of honesty required.  Higher importance means higher honesty.  The difficult part is that this can vary between people and vary based on the current mood of a relationship.  One always needs to be aware of where their relationship is at a given moment so that the level of honesty can be adjusted accordingly.

Low Degree of Honesty

A low degree of honesty is only for trivial matters, matters that have no impact on the quality of the relationship.  For example, if you are getting ready to go to dinner with your partner and they are wearing one of their favorite shirts that you don’t particularly like – suck it up and don’t tell the truth.  It serves no purpose.  It is not important and will only add negativity to the evening.

High Degree of Honesty

A high degree of honesty is for anything that is NOT trivial to you or to the person you are in the relationship with.  These matters will have a higher degree of impact on the relationship.  An example, a coworker begins to flirt with you.  You are not entirely sure you are being flirted with, but it feels like it.  No matter how the flirting makes you feel (you may like it, or you may be uncomfortable), tell your partner IMMEDIATELY.  Even if you are not sure that it is flirting.  Also, tell your partner everything about the situation, including how it made you feel.  Don’t leave any gray areas that will come back and bite you in the butt.

In response to Daily Prompt Truth or Dare.

Mid-Life Baggage

The question:

We all have complicated histories. When was the last time your past experiences informed a major decision you’ve made?

The answer:

The closer a person is to middle age, the heavier their baggage becomes.  Hence, the mid life crisis – that stage in life where couples who appear to be happy or to have it all end up divorced.  That is where I am – a middle aged divorced woman navigating a dating world she has been away from for 25 years.

I have not had any major decisions since my divorce, but I pay attention to the small signs in my new relationship that provide hints on how compatible we are.  That is the primary reason my ex and I are divorced, we weren’t really all that compatible – especially once kids were added to the mix.

Following are three areas in which my ex and I struggled and how I’m paying attention with this new guy to see if he is more compatible with me.

Communication I look for signs that my new guy can handle difficult communication.  We are in the very early stages of romance, but have at least had one small bit of conflict.  I was pleased with the way he handled it.  He let me state my frustrations (initially via texting), did not feel the need to defend himself – just listened (or read), and then when I sent a bitchy text he called me so that we could clear the air.  Not dramatically different than the way it would have gone down with ex, but ex would have defended himself or reasoned with me when all I wanted to do was state my feelings and be heard.

Family values was another area where my ex and I differed too much.  Family is important to me and I will spend time doing something with family that I may not have done on my own – just so I can be with them.  When my parents would visit, the only thing my ex wanted to do with them was eat.  Again, I am in the very early stages of the relationship with my new guy, but I look for clues in how important his relationship is with his family.  So far I’m pretty impressed.  He has no living parents, so can’t speak to that.  He seems to put emphasis on his kids, not only in spending time with them but in understanding them.

Hobbies and entertainment was an area where the ex and I struggled a bit, but not to a degree as great as the above.  Ex liked hobbies that weren’t very kid friendly and disliked things that the average kid enjoys.  Our kids love being in the water and we had a couple of different seasonal pools in the yard over the years.  Not only did ex not want to get into the pool with the kids, but he didn’t want to have ANYthing to do with the pool.  To a very extreme degree.  I look for signs that my new guy finds interests that he can share with his kids.  Some examples include: fishing, swimming, hiking, camping and many more family fun activities.

In response to Baggage Check daily prompt.

Weaving Communication

In response to Daily Prompt Weaving the Threads.

Part 1

Anita and Derek have been having problems in their relationship.  Each feels that the other isn’t listening.  Each feels like communication is the process of being accused of wrong doing to the other.

Part 2

Charley is a defensive pre-teen.  Every time his parents try to communicate with him, he defends himself; even though the parents feel there is nothing to defend against.  His parents cannot figure out why he is always so defensive.

Part 3

Chelby and Jay are enjoying their relationship more than they have since they met 30 years ago.  Chelby suggested that they go to a workshop on effective communication.  In this workshop they learned how to communicate in a manner that allows each person to own their own feelings and state them without putting the other person on the defensive.  They learned that phrasing how they are feeling about a situation is key in avoiding putting the other person on the defensive.  For example, would you respond better to #1 or #2?

  1. Why do you always leave food wrappers and containers all over the kitchen when it is your turn to cook?  You’re such a slob.
  2. When you leave food wrappers all over after you cook I end up cleaning them up and that makes me feel like I’m being taken advantage of.?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

No Q

In response to Daily Prompt Twenty-Five.

I’m getting pretty excited.  I ordered new hiking boots that should be delivered by the time I get home.

And today I ordered

  • A new backpack.  Although I like my camera backpack, it is not designed for hiking.  And the new one has a sleeve for water bladder.
  • A camera strap that can hook to the backpack and provide more stability.  My camera was strapped around my neck last Sunday and moved around a lot.
  • Hiking / trekking poles.

Fight AND Flight

In response to Daily Prompt Fight or Flight.

I  do not handle stress well. I’m working on it, but have a long way to go.

Soon to be ex and I don’t fight.  That is not even a reason for our divorce.  We don’t always agree,  but we don’t fight about it.

The morning after his mom died he got very angry with me and yelled at me in front of our youngest son. I’ll not go into detail about that,  since the focus is on how I responded.

I  freaked out and threw a tantrum like a 2 year old. I even threw my phone and flung the door shut.  Then I marched upstairs and  told him he could have “talked” to me.  He was still pretty angry and said a few more harsh words. I yelled a little too.

Then I retreated to my room and cried. And I cried on &  off for the next several days, while he was back home with his siblings.

So basically I  responded with both fight AND flight!

Featured Image Credit goes to © Kathleen Struckle | Dreamstime Stock Photos Tigers Starting To Fight

Lonely

In response to Daily Prompt Cut Off.

When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?

This is a frequent problem for me.

By the way, Psych Central has a quiz where you can answer questions and be rated on how lonely you are.  Find the quiz here.  I scored 27, a few points outside of the loneliest category.  And here is a very interesting article about how loneliness is killing us.  I know that I am not unusual, this is pretty common.

Impacts On My Loneliness

  • I work at a computer all day, on individual work that does not involve much input from others.
  • When I meet with team mates, it is on the phone and WebEx because we are geographically diverse.
  • Meetings are pretty cut & dry – get to the point and end the meeting.
  • Very little room for pleasantries and sometimes it feels fake or rushed.
  • When I am at the office, I have conversations with only two people regularly because the rest of the group is separated by an aisle of cabinets.  I can still hear them having casual conversation, but it is difficult to join in and it enhances my loneliness.
  • It isn’t easy because it is hard to communicate over the wall of cabinets and I feel silly running around to the center aisle where the bulk of people are located.
  • My husband is divorcing me because we grew apart and he no longer wants to try to grow back together.
  • I neglected friendships in the name of marriage and child rearing.
  • American society moves too fast, especially Corporate American society, to be able to stop and engage in meaningful conversation with those around us.  We’re too busy thinking about or moving on to our next conquest.

How I Try to Fight Back

  • In November or December I joined a very active meetup group for women age 30 and above.  I try to go to at LEAST two events per month.
  • I make an effort to join in on conversations with other people in the office, particularly if I sense that it is a group of people chatting.
  • I cherish any social activity with the two people who sit on either side of my cubicle, even though sometimes I think I’d rather be left alone or sometimes that I’m bothering them.

I Will Survive!

In response to Use It or Lose It Daily Prompt.

There have been many times in my life, in anyone’s life for that matter because I’m not unique, where I’ve thought “I thought we’d I’d never come back from survive that one.”  But so far, I’ve always survived and maybe thrived.  I believe that most of the time I’ve come back as a new & improved version of me – even if the outcome was not quite what I wanted or anticipated.

Some examples:

  • In my teen years I was desperate for male attention and it was a miracle that I wasn’t a teen mommy.  I managed to make it to age 32 before having my first. Although I was faithful to my soon to be ex, I believe that I would have continued to make poor decisions in matters of love if I hadn’t have married him.  And this would have been true up until a couple of years ago, when I finally worked through some of my self esteem issues.
  • I never thought I’d make it through summer of 2012, when I learned about my husband’s affairs.  When he accepted an invitation from a female sex addict, became addicted to her, got depressed because she went back to her husband (she ran out of money), and then he enrolled in online dating to see if he could transfer his feelings to another woman.  And he did, but deceived her right along with me.  All this while married to me and agreeing that we could go to therapy to work on our relationship.  And that is where I started to find out about all of that, at our first therapy session.Ouch – that hurt!
  • I never thought that two years later, after a good deal of what felt like successful reconciliation to me, I would find out that he still wanted a divorce. But by this time (Nov 2014) I was a much stronger person than I had been in the summer of 2012.  Even though I’m not coming through it as a married woman, I am coming back strong.