Tag Archives: Anger

Online Dating Sucks!

This is yet another attempt at therapeutic writing. I really feel like I was the victim of false advertising. Here’s how it went down:

  1. See good looking guy’s profile and like how funny and intelligent he seems.
  2. Meet guy and have a great time for a couple of weeks.
  3. Learn guy has some medical issues that he’s in the process of fixing, but doesn’t want to spend time when he’s not feeling good.
  4. Be patient with guy, while he’s going through this process.
  5. Learn that guy has a hard time being the guy he presents on his profile.  WTF – then change your profile to who you are NOW.  Fuck wit!
  6. Go through a range of emotions deciding whether or not to continue with guy and decide not to.
  7. See that guy is still looking, but not on the site that you met him through.  Hmmmm, OK!
  8. Guy says he never dated someone from that site while dating me. Says he’s currently incapable of investing emotionally in a relationship and I’m better off trying to find someone who can give me the attention I deserve.
  9. Go back to square 1 with dating sites, all the while trying to figure out WTF happened.
  10. Harden my heart because I realize that dating sites are bogus with too many frauds.
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The Lie

I’ve been on all sides of the triangle of deceit. The side where I have an opportunity to fess up and didn’t.  The side where I’ve given unintentional opportunities for someone to confess to me.  And the side where I’ve decided that I need to be, to fess up to uncomfortable truths.

I’m on that final side because I’ve been lied to too many times.  Sometimes it was outright lies, but most of the time it was lying by omission.  It hurts either way.

On to what triggered the posts I’ve made today.

I’ve mentioned that my ex has a girlfriend and spends a LOT of time with her.  On our ride home from school yesterday, youngest was saying he ate lunch with his dad and saw a lady from work.  He said his dad gave the lady some good advice.  I think this was the 2nd time I’d heard this story, but my ears perked up because it seemed like they ate lunch with this lady.  So I texted ex and asked if by chance youngest had met his girlfriend.  Yep.

Why wasn’t I informed?  I was pretty upset.

Got home and was trying to go for a walk to cool down, but oldest knew I was upset and kept after me.  He asked if I was upset at his dad and then said, “Oh, is this about that girl from dad’s work that was here?”

I flipped.  He had his girlfriend in MY house.  Ok – we both own the house.  But why the hell did he need to have her here?  Oldest gets home from school early on Wednesday and notices his dad is home and in the basement.  Goes down there and his dad is sending the girlfriend out the back door to leave.

That was bad, but is NOT the worst part for me.  Earlier yesterday I emailed him about some things and he emailed back and said “I am thinking about introducing the boys.”

That is the lie.  At a minimum, youngest has “met” her because he had lunch with them.  And oldest has at lease “seen” her.  It feels like it should have been a perfect opportunity for him to say, “Hey, the boys have already met / seen her.  I’m sorry I didn’t let you know ahead of time.  I just didn’t know you’d be upset.”

Back to the conversation with oldest.  He was horrified because he felt like he told on his dad and he begged me not to say anything that would let his dad know he spilled the beans.

I’m sooooo sorry for him.  His dad should have been the one to spill the beans.  I worry this will be with him for the rest of his life.  He’s scarred!

3 Weeks???

3 Weeks after our divorce is final and guess where he is?  Spending the night with his new girlfriend.

And he thinks that I believe nothing was going on before we even decided to divorce?

I’m not angry that he’s with her.  I’m angry because I don’t believe that nothing was going on before we divorced.  He let it slip that he was talking to her before we decided to divorce.

I’m angry because it only took him 3 weeks to stand in front of his kids and say goodbye for ANOTHER night away from home (even though technically it is my parenting night).

I’m angry because he can replace me after 3 weeks and here I am writing on my stupid blog because I’m ANGRY and haven’t moved on yet – even though I REALLY want to.

I want to do this to some other body part of his!

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House for Sale

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© Pupunkkop | Dreamstime.comHome For Sale On Blackboard Photo

Prepping a house for sale is a lot of work.

I feel like I’m doing it alone and I’m a little angry about that so this is a venting post.

Some things I’ve accomplished:

  • Painted almost entire basement in 2012, because we thought we’d try to sell then but the market sucked.  This involved filling nearly a million tiny holes and dents made by rambunctious kids.
  • Painted 1/2 of main level and stairs and upstairs hall in 2012.
  • Repainted kid #2’s room.
  • Moved several broken folding tables and an old desk to front porch and then to trash on trash day.
  • De cluttered many rooms and closets over a long period, since 2012.  This resulted in MANY trips to Good Will.
  • Put together several free standing, decorative storage closets to contain clutter that is used frequently.
  • Hauled box after box to the attic.  Even the boxes that I had hoped ex would have taken to attic, such as his rocketry stuff.
  • Moved a ton of clutter from the computer room into the unfinished area.
  • Made several trips to Target to purchase storage boxes to contain the clutter.
  • Put various clutter into said storage boxes and moved those around to try to avoid adding more clutter.

Full of Hate

I was messed up in my head Friday and wrote my first poem since school.

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Full of Hate

I am full of hate today, 
With fire filling my mind. 
How to deal with this, I say, 
For I don’t like to feel unkind.

With this I decide to write, 
For writing heals my soul. 
If I were to choose to fight, 
The demons would win control.

Bla, bla, bla

I’m in a funk.  No motivation.  Some anger.  Some frustration.  Some fear.  All on top of a bad night of sleep.

Some divorce prep accomplishments (that aren’t bringing me out of my funk):

  • I used my brand spankin’ new “All My Own” credit card to pay for my lunch today.
  • I set up my new checking and savings account and got my own new version of Quicken.
  • I requested a small loan against my 401K to pay off my car so that it is easier to transfer solely to me.
  • I steam cleaned the living room and moved some boxes to the attic to prep the house for sale.

Some things that are bothering me:

  • It is very bizarre at home.  When people are divorcing you’d expect tension, hurt feelings, arguing or SOMEthing.  But if an outsider were to look in on us they would likely think we were a regular / average family – not one that is getting ready to pull the plug.
  • Nothing seems to get done if I don’t do it.  There are 2 ceiling fans that need to be replaced.  There are 3 or 4 old broken monitors that need to be gotten rid of.  There’s an extra television that needs to go to the attic.  There’s several large items that need to be scheduled for a special trash pick up.  There’s a BUNCH of husband specific hobby things cluttering the formal living room.  But nothing gets done with that stuff unless I do it.
  • My husband hates longish hair on boys and my 14 yr old son wants longish hair.  I’ve never really agreed with husband about it, but can’t say that because then he feels like he’s the “bad guy.”  It is bothering me right now because I went for a walk in the halls at work and noticed several men with longish hair and a few with outright LONG hair.  All employed in professional positions at my company.  There are no factory workers or low skilled people in my building – so I KNOW they are in a professional job category.
  • I saw the tracfone in my drawer while looking for my headphones to go on my walk.  The phone he used to communicate with his affair partners a couple of years ago.  I was thinking of giving it back to him in case he needs it once our divorce is final.

Normally I would avoid writing a blog entry in this sort of mood.  But if I do that, it might be a few weeks before I really feel energized for it again.  So, here ya go – my emotional dumping!!!

Hope for Angry Drivers

We’ve all had encounters with angry drivers and many of us have been the angry driver.  I sometimes find myself wondering if angry drivers realize the evil of their ways.  I know I’ve become a much more forgiving driver than I was in my 20s.  And I’ve even caught myself being angry at other drivers and telling myself to calm down.

So yes, I think angry drivers do learn and sometimes learn pretty quickly.

I had some evidence to this yesterday.  I was driving with the pace of traffic and getting ready to move to the right into an exit lane.  I checked my mirror just before the exit lane started, only to see a car barreling down on me.  She was coming on so fast that I thought I might miss the exit lane so I dodged over quickly, without using my signal.  Truthfully, I was just too startled and reacted.

Then I saw in my rear view mirror that she started waving her hands around like she was calling me names.  So I imitated her.  Again – not thinking – just reacting.

Lo & behold, she backed off my tail.  Do you think it is possible she decided she needed to settle down?  Maybe she realized the world was not moving to her schedule?  Maybe she thought I was crazy and would attack her if she kept it up?

Regardless, I was glad that she backed off because I don’t think I did anything wrong, except maybe changing lanes without signaling.