November 17, 2015
My name is Eilene and I am a 40something divorced mom of two tween / teen boys.This is me. Not stunning, but I believe I’m pretty cute.
I’ve been journaling for years and began publishing them on a blog since about 2012, when my ex husband moved out for a trial separation that lasted about six months. The first blog was anonymous and no longer exists. Those troubling posts are kept as private journal entries.
Randomness Expressed blog began around the time that my ex moved back into our home in an effort to repair our severely damaged relationship. I kept it low key because I had it linked to my Facebook account where my “real” people could see it. Then I wavered for a period of time, where I disconnected it from Facebook, then reconnected it to a Facebook “page” and invited select “real” individuals to like / follow.
Any level of anonymity ended September 2015, when I relinked to my Facebook account. I’ve lived a large chunk of my life hiding my true self from others and ultimately hiding her from myself. I was scared to show my true self, my true feelings, my true opinions. I was living my life as a shell of what I could really be.
Over the course of the last few years, that has been changing steadily. A wide variety of people are noticing, from the limited number of friends I had prior to divorce, new women friends who met me when I was going through the divorce process, coworkers who’ve known me for years – but have only recently started seeing the real me. Some of it has been favorable, particularly from most of my friends and many coworkers. Some of it has been negative, particularly from conservative christian family members (because I’m openly atheist).
Upon entering the dating world, I’ve learned even more about myself and those I share this world with. I’ve learned what my core values are, because I had no idea what they were well into my 40s. I was stagnant. In the early days of blogging I started discovering these values, but they were still heavily based on social expectations / norms – not on what I truly felt. During the divorce and shortly after, I had to revisit many of my assumptions and figure out what was really important to me and why.
I share this journey with my readers, not for their entertainment, but for my continued learning. That is what I believe, that I will continue to learn and revise my life’s philosophy. And my readers are along for the ride!