I’m reading an awesome book about human sexuality. The link is below: Come As You Are, The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, by Emily Nagoski, PhD.
Without too much spoiler, you will learn about brakes, accelerator, context, and much more. Reading this has solidified some of the self-work I have done on healing my sexual attitudes towards myself.
I loved this quote.
“If a girl has a particularly sensitive brake system, one incident might be enough to create a tangled knot in her arousal process. For many women, though, it takes consistent reinforcement of a negative message in order for it to be embedded in sexual response, and consistent reinforcement takes a sex-negative culture.”
I have a highly sensitive accelerator with dull brakes. I can only speak in generalities, because I forgot the details over the years. Generally, I was raised in an environment where sex should wait until marriage. It was more acceptable if a boy didn’t wait. It was likely a girl’s fault if a young couple was caught. Premarital sex is naughty. Don’t have sex with more than one boy. If you fail, ask for forgiveness and try harder next time. Oh, and don’t talk about your struggles because 1st – you should be ashamed and 2nd – it’s embarrassing to talk about sex.
I felt at least mildly guilty or shameful for YEARS. This book is helping me to finalize my healing process and truly understand.