I didn’t know that this is something appealing to me that has been just off my radar for awhile. Maybe a LONG while. It is something I’ve desired in many ways, in many situations. It came to light during a text conversation with Jazz Guy last night. Jazz Guy is a musician I’ve had one date with, but we clicked immediately.
We were talking about reduced stress in life and he asked how I got to periods of reduced stress. I gave a few examples such as getting divorced, seeing a therapist (or life coach), and getting massage therapy about twice a month. He gave me a great compliment, in my opinion. He said “You are very transparent. I like that.”
Then it clicked for me. I’ve been fighting against NON-transparency for a long time. I never knew what my ex was thinking or feeling. Half the time I suspect he didn’t even know. Add to that the fact that I didn’t know what I was thinking or feeling half the time – and you have a BIG mess. It was very stressful and my sense of peace has steadily been returning since our divorce. That does not mean he is a bad person – it just means that we really were not good for each other.
Fast forward to the infancy of my dating life. It became clear very quickly that many people on dating sites play games with each other. Some people do it intentionally and others unthinkingly. I can tolerate the ones who do it unthinkingly and I can usually get a decent sense for when that is the case.
I never knew what game was being played at any given time, or what the rules were. I would ask advice from my girlfriends, but much of the time I felt like they were further encouraging me to play the games. My internal dialog didn’t help either:
- Don’t reveal your true intentions or true thoughts, or you’ll look too weak, or too strong.
- Don’t tell a guy what you really think because you may scare him off.
- Don’t send a message or text until he responds to your previous one or you’ll appear clingy.
I’m done playing games. I’m ready to increase the transparency in my life. But what does that mean?
When applied to ideology, transparency means: free from pretense or deceit, easily detected or seen through, readily understood. I think that the primary action I am going to focus on is to continue to share my honest feelings and thoughts.