There’s a popular thought in the dating world that we should not talk about our ex and I don’t entirely agree with it. Here’s what we shouldn’t do:
- Bash our ex.
- Pine after our ex.
- Compare our date to our ex.
Here’s what I believe we should do, because it helps us to get to know each other:
- Instead of bashing our ex, we should discuss what worked and what didn’t work in the relationship. It is difficult to do this without mentioning the former partner.
- We should accept, especially at my age, that someone may have spent DECADES with their ex. I’ve known mine for 25 years and was married to him for 21 years. He’s had a huge impact on my life, both good and bad. And he is the father of my two wonderful boys. So his name is going to come up.
- We should focus on the message our date is trying to convey, not the fact that he or she is talking about their ex. To me, I’m not talking about my ex when I mention him (at least not most of the time and especially not in the beginning stages of a new relationship). I’m really talking about my feelings and reactions to events that occurred with him.
I have found a couple of men who understand these concepts and one who didn’t quite get it. He talked about his ex wife, but when I talked about my ex he quickly started accusing me of still being in love with my ex. Heck, even my massage therapist can tell I’m not in love with my ex (sorry dear ex – if you happen across this).