WARNING, if you know me personally and don’t want to know ANYthing about my views on sex, then please skip this post. I use my writing as a method of thinking through who I was, who I am, and who I want to be and this time it happens to be about sex.
I was thinking about this last night, as I was trying to sleep. I move fast in relationships and always have. When the ex and I first started having serious relationship issues and divorce was a possibility, I was worried that I would revert to my old ways. My old ways were to have sex as soon as possible – not because I really wanted to, but because it was my disillusioned way of hooking the guy. Sometimes it worked, as was the case with my ex.
In other words, I was having sex for all the wrong reasons and sometimes I didn’t feel good about myself because of it. I didn’t work through those feelings until 2012, while the ex and I were going through our most difficult time.
I am very happy that I was able to work through it. Now that I am dating, I know that when I decide to have sex with someone it will be for the right reasons for ME. It may not match someone else’s idea of the right reasons, which is their problem, not mine. It will be right for me!
I am a much stronger woman now than I was in my teens and early adulthood. I am more confident. I know what I’m worth. I don’t need to hook him or anyone. I know when I am ready for more intimacy. This is incredibly freeing for me, more so than I could ever describe with words. It is allowing me to be who I really am with my new guy: intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. It is allowing me to be free with him and enjoy our experiences more than I ever imagined.