I’ve been keying in on the fact that my ex is not that great at communicating. I’m not either, but I really believe I’m not as bad off in that department as he is. Yep, I just said I’m better than him!
We had a discussion via text this morning, that although most people would consider mild – for us it was equivalent to a screaming match. It was because I resisted the passive / aggressive and manipulative conversation style that we typically fall into when there is conflict. Read here for more educated descriptions of the basic communication styles.
The gist of the disagreement was that he wanted me to do something that was inconvenient for me because it was also inconvenient for him. But he did not want to say “no” so hinted at how difficult it would be for him. He wanted me to take the hint (manipulation). I wanted him to be more direct and say either “yes” or “no.”
In other words, I didn’t want to let him off easy like I have so many times before. He’s done this to me too many times. Forcing me to make a decision that is rightfully his to make (which it was in this case), just so he doesn’t have to feel like the bad guy. And apparently that is very difficult for him because he DID back down and agree to do this thing.
I would have equally accepted a “no” answer, which I told him. May not have been happy with it, but I would have gotten over it pretty quickly.