Relationship With Ex

I’ve been told by professionals that my ex and I are handling our co-parenting relationship very well, with focus on the boys instead of ourselves.  This is coming from a psychologist who councils parents who are sent to him from divorce court, so he sees the worst of the worst.  I’m very thankful for that.

Ex’s mom died this January and this weekend the family gathered for a graveside service in her honor.  This meant that I spent an entire day with him, trapped for almost six hours on the road.  It was the first significant amount of time we’ve spent together since late last year and we were in a place in time where we were willing to just be friends.

There are many good qualities about my ex.  He is kind.  Sincere.  Supportive.  Structured.  Funny.  Sweet.  Intelligent.  But I believe I’m at a point far enough beyond my grieving the death of our relationship that I can appreciate the good and understand his characteristics that make him a less than ideal match for me – without thinking that he is a bad person.

He is the type of person who comes to a solution, let’s say, and then has a very difficult time letting go of his solution.  We each talked about our new romantic partners and I noticed a trend that he tries to take charge of things in her life.  She is young and inexperienced enough that she may appreciate that quality in him.  I am at a point in my life that it just rubs me the wrong way because I want to do it my way and just have someone accept that.  And finally, he is at a point in his life that he thrives off of being needed.

All in all, I think that our long ride together yesterday was good for both of us, and good for our kids.  They got to see their parents enjoying conversation together in spite of the fact that they are divorced.

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